A week ago, I was caving in - hoping to get some answers, wanting to just rest, and write. I was so sure I made the right decision to move south, until I was cornered by doubt and fear at my weakest. You see, during the first week of October, I had to consult a physiotherapist and found out that my hipbone was not in its proper place, plus my right shoulder was stuck, thereby I was in so much pain I couldn't sleep much. I've never been in such pain for years. I tried to recall what I did that caused the pain but to no avail I couldn't find a reason. Anyhow, my hipbone and right shoulder were fixed and fly to Helsinki, I did. I was so thankful I got a cheap flight, otherwise it would've been painful to travel by train.
Two things I've come face to face with - questions on who God is (His goodness & love); and attack on my identity (of who I am in Christ and how God sees me). These were two of the main things satan attacked Jesus with in the wilderness. I can't say it was easy, knowing how Jesus told satan off, it sure was a challenge because the battle was both mental and physical. One morning whilst picking some mushrooms in the forest, I stood up and my back really hurt, I could only cry out in pain. Then questions and doubt started to flood my mind. Four days ago, the left side of my body was aching so bad that one step would send a shooting pain on left lower back, up to my shoulder then down to my leg. Then a memory from the past came to mind that gripped my heart with fear - there was this time when the temperature was so cold and wet, I woke with a half paralysed body, I could not feel the left side of my body. I found myself frozen with this memory and all I could hear was a warm voice telling me to start thanking and praising God - for who He is, for His goodness and His faithful love. The pain did not leave right away that minute but I was so motivated to declare God's goodness over my life!
Yesterday, a wonderful woman of God ministered to me and I know for sure that I had a breakthrough. I am feeling better now and I'm confident of God's complete healing. God affirmed me of His love - that He's given me divine health, healing & joy; and reminded me of the life of supernatural & miracles that I can tap into being His child. There's a lot more to be said but I'll let that sit in your mind and allow His gentle Spirit to speak truth into you.
"How blessed is the man whose strength is in You
In whose heart are the highways to Zion
Passing through the valley of Baca they make it a spring
The early rain also covers it with blessings.
They go from strength to strength
Every one of them appears before God in Zion."
Psalm 84
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